From the Editor
Some of you know from previous articles that I have what I call a "rebel." You know, the child who doesn't go with the flow of the family but has a plan all his own. These difficult but special children have a special calling, and I want to encourage you to be blessed that you have been called by God to raise this child. Though they try you at every level, they have been made by God from birth to be fighters. We just need to remind them (constantly) that they are to fight the good fight of faith, not their brothers, sisters, parents, schoolwork, etc. One of the things we've learned is that we need to point their ammunition in the right direction: away from us and toward the enemy of their souls!
For example, find ways for them to stand against things like abortion or pornography in your community. Help them become politically active for righteous causes such as marriage and family issues, etc. (Check out Generation Joshua for kids 11 and up: www.generationjoshua.org/dnn or try American Family Association: www.afa.net).
Pray with them for persecuted brothers and sisters around the world (Voice of the Martyrs: www.persecution.com). Have them write to prisoners or save money to buy special gift packages for them.
Pray for your rebel: that is your ammunition. Stay in the Word of God daily: that is your fuel. Seek the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit who leads into all truth: that is your lifeline. Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on your armor and fight the good fight--together.
The Old Schoolhouse Magazine's "Homeschooling the Rebel" article found here: www.thehomeschoolmagazine.com/How_To_Homeschool/articles/homeschoolingtherebel.php
Deborah Wuehler is the Devotional e-Newsletter editor and Devotional editor for The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine. She lives in Roseville, California, with her husband, Richard, and their seven gifts from heaven, whom they have homeschooled from birth.
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From Our Readers: That Horrid Stain
By Maureen Lewicki, New York
I have an unusual and colorful jacket, and I always get lots of compliments about it. The day I bought it I had been so excited to get it home and try it on with the yellow shirt I knew would go with it perfectly. As I took off the jacket, I noticed that somehow a drop of bleach had left a spot on the back of the shirt.
"Keep the coat on," my upbeat daughter offered, "no one will know." "Great," I said, "but if I end up in an emergency room, keep my coat on at all costs."
That's a little like it is with us as homeschoolers. We can have some scary character issues in our kids and not seek out advice, guidance, and support. Maybe it is true of all parents. We don't want to assassinate our kids' reputation. But I suspect that we also want to protect ourselves. Let's face it, not too many people want to admit that their kids talk back, argue, and are stubborn, defiant, disobedient, or dishonest, to name just a few character flaws. Although we know all have sinned and gone astray, we also know Scripture tells us in Ecclesiastes 8:11 to punish the child promptly and consistently so that sin does not become a habit in his life: "Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil."
We fear that if we tell others how much we struggle with behavior, we will be seen as not having done what we were supposed to to eradicate the bad behavior! We are afraid that we are failures, and telling others would make us vulnerable.
God tells us a great story in Genesis. In the heat of a battle, Moses held up his arms. As long as he held up his arms, the battle went well for the Israelites. When he was fatigued and lowered his arms, the battle took an awful turn. Aaron and Joshua held up Moses' arms for him, and the battle was won.
Do you have character issues in your home? Are you tired in the battle? I am on many days. I thank God for dear friends and my husband, who are able to stay in the battle with me as I work on character issues in our home. I am grateful for God's provision of people who hold me up when I am weary and who are willing to enter into the battle with me. It is a process, after all.
Do you have a Joshua and an Aaron in your life to help you hold your arms up when the battle goes too long? If you do, count yourself as blessed.
If you do not, ask God TODAY, without delay, to send you an Aaron and a Joshua. Tell him your needs, although He already knows. Tell Him your battle is too much. Tell Him you cannot go on another day, if that is how you are feeling, and ask Jehovah Jireh, God Our Provider, to send you people to help you stay in the battle. None of us is perfect. If Moses had not let his friends hold his arms up, the battle would have been lost.
Lean on friends that the Lord provides. Be honest with them about your struggles. The stakes are too high. The loss would be too dear. We can teach our kids many, many things in terms of academics, but if we neglect the character issues, we have totally missed the reason for keeping them home.
Maureen Lewicki is a homeschool mom of two children (a senior in high school and an eighth grader) and has homeschooled for 9 years. Rarely does a day go by when she feels adequate for the task, but even on the worst days, she is grateful for the privilege and grateful for a husband who is actively involved in homeschooling. Maureen and her family live in upstate New York with a lovable and mischievous chocolate Lab.
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Who Are You Listening To?
By Mrs. Julie Austin
When you meet a person and you hear what their thoughts are on parenting, homeschooling, or similar topics, what are your first thoughts?
My thoughts are, "show me your fruit." What I mean by that is this: if a
person has strong views on any subject, before you believe and blindly follow their advice, it would be wise to see if there is actual fruit. Anyone can say this or that is the right way to do things, but the proof is in the pudding.
I think it is dangerous to follow any other person's program down to the letter ... but we can and do learn from wise Christians who have produced good fruit.
Reading books and articles can be good and helpful. But don't ever think that any one person has all the answers. Don't follow without biblical discernment.
When it comes to topics like homeschooling and parenting, the fruit should be quite clear. Look at the children! Someone with wild children and a million excuses as to why they are wild is not someone to follow in this area. Maybe they have learned from their mistakes; maybe not. Maybe they have just found a market and are just trying to make a buck on telling others what to do through books, seminars, and resources. Someone who can market well is not necessarily someone who has parented well.
Are their children well mannered? Are they respectful? How do they relate to others? Are they able to carry on conversations with adults? Do they show joy? Do they have a love and respect for others made in the similitude of God? I am not saying that there should be perfection in the children; this is impossible, because perfection is not to be found in parents. What I am saying is that there should be evidence of fruit. There will be works where there is faith. There will be good fruit where the tree is good.
I've heard of speakers who have lost their children to the world and are now marketing that as "learn from our mistakes--don't over-train them." Probably over-training was not the problem. We must train our children, and that is done from following God's Word! There are instructions for us on how to live, what to avoid, what to pursue. The Bible often explains to us the antithesis. We see one side of the coin--what to stay away from--and the opposite side of the coin--what to actually be doing. When we take clear instruction and redefine it to fit our sin, we are perpetuating the sin in others.
The most important question of all is not in regard to the outward actions but to the heart attitude. Do the children have a love for Jesus Christ and do they desire to live for Him and His glory? Again, there will be fruit when this is present. The fruit shows the condition of the tree.
The child will be helpful of his own initiating. The child will be remorseful when he has wronged another. The child will be repentant when he has sinned against God and others. The child will desire to please the Lord and his parents.
Do you remember Eddie Haskel on Leave It to Beaver? When Mr. or Mrs. Cleaver was present, he would pour on the manners (a bit strongly). He was trying to manipulate the adults and get them to believe he was a good influence on their children. But that was not really the case.
Doing something for show or having trained monkeys who perform on command is not evidence of anything except that they can do tricks.
Of course we should remind our children to put others first and be a good example for the glory of Christ, but not to put on a show only when others are around. Their hearts must be for Christ whether the parents are standing over them or not.
Parents must be in prayer continually for their children, not just believing they are fine because they are being raised in any given church meeting.
So who do you listen to? Who do you ask advice of? Who do you follow?
Scripture alone is our source for absolute truth, but if you desire fellowship and advice or encouragement from others, don't look to the rich and famous. Look for the fruit. Look to those whom you know well in the body of Christ. Take the time to get to know those in whom you see the fruit of their beliefs, teachings, and lifestyle. Don't always look for the lowest common denominator so you are never challenged in the way you parent. Look for those who will stimulate you to do a better job. But do so in a discerning way. Blindly following only leads you as far as the person leading goes. When they go off, so do the blind followers.
How can you know if a speaker or leader in any given sphere of teaching has their family in order or not? You can't unless you live near them or are seeing them regularly. Even within the setup we have in this age of church meetings, it would be hard to know what is going on with a leader in his family. People attend each week, put on their happy Sunday face, and act as if they have the perfect life while having no real communion with others during the week. Do you SEE a love for one another in those you follow? Do you SEE their family seeking after Christ and striving to obey His Word? If not, stop playing "follow the leader" and teach your children that it is a dangerous game.
James 3 (NKJV) 1 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. 3 Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. 8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh. 13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works
are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
Mrs. Austin is the happily blessed wife of John Austin; they have been married for 18 years. The Austins have been blessed with five children. They enjoy homeschooling for the glory of God. They appreciate the opportunity to encourage others to do the same. The Austins are originally from California and moved to beautiful Abingdon, Virginia, in the summer of 2003. Visit their website: Austin's Parenting With Purpose.
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Haptoon: Finger Pointing
If you have a finger, don't use it to blame others for your sins. Instead point your finger heavenward and confess your sins to the Lord."He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) - Hap
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Testimonials
Dear Deborah,
I am a brand new home schooling Mom of two weeks. This morning I received the email that contained your "Homeschooling the Rebel" article. I must say this was a gift from God for me this morning. Thank you for speaking to ME about my son who is exactly like the rebel you have. I look forward to re-reading your article daily, maybe even hourly. God is doing great things through you.
~ ToniMarie
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