From the Editor: Fresh Starts and God's Grace
As I have homeschooled over the past years, one of the things I have admired in God's creation is the placement of routines and rhythms in time. As my pastor has been preaching on creation, I have been reminded how God gives us a fresh start every week. I also love to think of that as I approach a new year. No matter how badly I've blown it this past year God gives me a new one to make changes. Even as I look at the goals I set last year and realize that I didn't actually meet one of them, I know that God set goals for me too. And no one can thwart those goals, not even me! I try to imagine a world where time just drags on and on, and there is no chance to start over again. Who would want to live in a world like that?
It is helpful to begin thinking about this as we approach Christmas. Christmas is a time to remember the extravagance of God's grace, as He sent His Son into a humble life on earth. One of God's many purposes in allowing me to experience life as a single parent is to teach me humility. Jesus demonstrated humility by coming to earth as a human baby. Christmas is a great time to continue learning and practicing this trait. Take opportunities this Christmas season to thrive in God's love, not just survive! If you end this year basking in God's grace, you will well prepared to begin the year fresh, with new beginnings.
Wishing you a blessed Christmas!
Lisa A. Baker
Single Parent e-Newsletter Editor
SingleParent@TheHomeschoolMagazine.com
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Nuts and Bolts: Holiday Survival Tips
By Lisa A. Baker
It was only a couple days after Halloween, and I found myself glued to my computer. I left it, only to become engrossed in a DVD. I was running again--running away from myself, away from the memories. Thanksgiving was approaching, and I knew in no time Christmas would be here. As I sat at my computer (again!), the thoughts were racing. Suddenly I realized I was feeling sad about the holidays . . . again.
I was pretty young when I first heard that the holidays were one of the worst times for depression and suicide. I think back on that now, realizing how very naïve I was about it. I could not understand how people could be blue at Christmas. Couldn't they at least appreciate the significance of Christ's advent and birth? Wasn't that enough to celebrate? Of course, I know now that when your holidays are filled with nothing but sweet memories and family, it is enough. But the painful memories of things lost can also be resurrected at this time of year, and even God can seem very far away. In time, God reassures us of His presence, comforts us in our grief, and eases the pain, but the sting never completely disappears. Holidays can be a reminder that things aren't the way they are supposed to be.
In the last four years, since my divorce, I have searched for ways to handle the holidays devoid of the big family gatherings I grew up with and without the camaraderie of a husband. Although I still have much to learn, I have discovered a few ways to survive the holidays as a single mom. I want to share just a few of them.
- Be honest with your kids.
If money is tight, I tell my kids so. If I need less activity, I let them know. I give them a chance to be part of the solution by telling me what they most love about Christmas or what they most want within our financial limits. I've been amazed by the ideas they can develop, and they're much more cooperative with the plan when they are involved.
- Keep some of your former traditions.
After my husband left, some consistency was important to my kids. Traditions from my childhood were a comfort. Even traditions that hurt a little at first and felt awkward have taken on new significance with time and have even helped us to heal.
- Try out some new traditions.
We have looked through books and talked to others and come up with some really fun new things to make our own. This has given us the chance to make Christmas unique to our family and has given our home some distinctiveness from their father's.
- Take advantage of educational opportunities.
This year, we are simplifying our scholastic work so that we can read about and discuss different symbols of Christmas using a unit study I found online. Bake cookies for math, study the names of Jesus, write letters to out-of-town friends. Use the holidays to refresh your learning.
- Minister to others.
In past years we have shopped for presents for an Angel Tree kid, invited a widow over for Christmas Eve, and shared some of our resources with other single-parent families. This year I would like to have a Christmas tea for some of the widows in our church. You can always find others around you with greater needs than you, and even if you don't have much money, you can find ways to help them. Ministering to others helps overcome bitterness and changes the way you view your circumstances. I also take the opportunity Christmas affords to do good to my ex-husband. I encourage the boys to come up with ideas of what they would like to get him, and then we go shopping for his gift. This has gone a long way to helping me forgive and heal.
- Have some fun!
Do something fun with the kids. We love movies, and I have Christmas DVDs that come out only after Thanksgiving. We take nights here and there to make hot cocoa and watch our favorite movies. Also, what other time but Christmas can you find free entertainment like walking through a mall to look at decorations or taking a drive to look at lights? I also find a little time to do something fun without kids. Coffee with a friend, a ladies' Christmas brunch, or even just a trip to the mall alone--I need time to enjoy the season in a grown-up way.
- Ask for help.
Meager funds and loneliness are the things that I struggle with most at the holidays. Fortunately, God has given me a couple of friends who really understand and are there to listen to endless stories about how we messed up the cookie dough or the latest cool toy I bought for one of the kids. If you don't have someone to share things with, ask God to give you someone to enjoy your joys. Then ask others for help--someone to take your kids shopping for you, to watch your kids while you shop, to hold you accountable for purchases. It has been hard for me to humble myself to ask someone to take my kids shopping for gifts to give me, but I have yet to find someone who isn't delighted to do it, and my kids really look forward to it now.
- Be willing to accept gifts.
It has been hard to take a holiday meal from the church or money from a friend, but I have discovered that it enables me to do things for others, and it allow the givers to receive a blessing as well. It teaches my children so much about interdependence and about living in covenant community. And it strengthens my relationship to other believers.
- Look for the intangible gifts.
I am astonished every year how a story that I've heard at least forty or fifty times can reveal something new. That's why I love the Christmas story. During the holiday, I have even more opportunities to see the love and generosity of friends. I experience a rare quiet hour alone with the Lord in front of the magical lights on the tree. At Christmastime God does what I ask Him to do each year and shows me special little gifts that He gives to me. And they're gifts that won't be duplicated and won't break or grow old!
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Parents Helping Parents: Ministry as a Single Parent
By Lisa A. Baker
Once again, I need your help! As single parents, we find that our resources of time, energy, and finances are often drained to the bottom. This month I would like to know how you as single parents minister to others, particularly within the body of Christ--our churches.
- What kinds of ministry have you found that you can manage with your kids in tow or with minimal time away from them?
- How has God used your unique place as a single parent to expand His kingdom and to strengthen the church?
Please send responses to SingleParent@TheHomeschoolMagazine.com.
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